How sweet it is...

To be loved by you Lord. We celebrated Easter this past weekend. My heart is always so full after being reminded of the enormous LOVE that God has for us, and the great sacrifice that Jesus, our Savior, made for us.

It’s been a while since I wrote to you all. I’ve been experiencing a bit of a “writers block” when it comes time to sit down and tell you what was up. But, after talking with my GLAM girls, and explaining what I was facing, they encouraged me to be open and honest with you about life and how I’m trying to juggle it all right now.

Most of you know I’m a new mommy, my son is now 5 months old, and I am in LOVE with loving on him. He’s has been my top priority since the day I found out he was on his way. I never really took a maternity leave from GLAM, I was back in the office 2 weeks after he was born. But, after realizing that he wasn’t going to be a newborn that I could tote around with me for long, my family and I decided it would be best for me to work mostly from home. It’s been a great experience, except for that little issue of “working”.

You know that I am passionate about the vision that God has planted in my heart for GLAM. I see the great things He has in store for us, and when I remember the great things He’s done through GLAM already and I get excited. But, as excited as I am about those things, I am just as excited about being a mother. It’s been super hard for me to find a balance between the two passions in my heart. When I’m with my son all I want to do is play, talk, laugh, tickle, nap with him... And when I’m in the office all I can think about is all of the things I want us to do as a ministry and the girls we’re going to meet, and the mentor/mentee relationships that we could help build... so, now I’m at the place where I need to be able to combine the two. I’m home, and I have two jobs here now. It’s exciting to have the freedom to do this, but it’s a new challenge to me. Self motivation has never come easy for me. I struggle with ADHD, and I’m a first class procrastinator.  I used to be great at multi-tasking, now... not so much.

So, that’s why you haven’t heard from me. I’ve been so overwhelmed by this new way of “working” that I haven’t been working. I’ve been avoiding it, even though I knew that running away wouldn’t fix the issue. Last week Meredith said something to me that stuck. She said, “None of this is going to work if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons.” She’s absolutely right. The times where GLAM and life in general flourish is when we are doing everything that we do for God’s glory. I hadn’t thought about that fact while I was busy trying to be superwoman: the worlds greatest mom, and the head of this organization. I was doing it for myself and for the other people around me. I wanted to prove that I could do both and be awesome at it. The truth is that I CAN’T. I’m not good at it. It’s hard to balance home with a baby, work, and school. I’m struggling on my own. But, I’m starting to realize that’s the point.

I’m not supposed to do it alone. I’m not supposed to do it for me, or anyone else for that matter. I’ve told you before that I don’t believe in the sentiment that “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” Of course God gives us more than we can handle, because then we need Him to help us juggle it all. Really, what it boils down to, is that I needed to go back and read my own blogs. How many times have I found myself in similar situations? Why do I always think I can do it alone? Life is so much better and more productive, and a lot less stressful when I put God in the middle of it.

So what now? Well, I change my heart. I change the way I parent, work, and learn. I pray more, plan more, and DO more.... with God’s help. I give up. I re-learn. I trust.... and I blog. :)

How sweet it is to be loved by a God that just wants to be a part of everything I do. I just doesn’t get any better than that!