A Perfectionist's Prison (Part 1)

"What is your greatest strength, and what is your greatest weakness?"  If you've had a job interview of any kind, you may have been asked this question.  Now, we all know it's much better to choose things such as, "I'm a perfectionist," instead of, "I am always really late and lazy. Can I have a lazyboy recliner for my desk? How many weeks vacation do we get?"  Perfectionism, OCD, and pride in your work are all traits that are praised in our society, so how do we know if our desire to be "perfect" has created an unhealthy, all-or-nothing, black-and-white prison that keeps us from living a full life? I'm calling all perfectionists... go ahead and take a seat. 

You don't have to be an Emma Pillsbury to be a perfectionist!One misconception about being a perfectionist is that all perfectionists look like the girl wearing an ironed cardigan who straightens all her pencils to line up perfectly and never has a GPA lower than a 4.3.  While this may define some of you out there, perfectionism is actually much more complicated and wears numerous faces. 

First of all, perfectionism comes in many different clinical terms and it affects people in different areas of life.  Just because you are a perfectionist in one area doesn't mean you are in every area of life, so sometimes it's hard to recognize it as a struggle. 

"I always gave up if it wasn't perfect..."If you walked into my room or opened my closet when I was growing up, there is no way you would have thought I was a perfectionist.  You would've seen clothes everywhere, shoes kicked off by the door, and possibly an empty cereal bowl hidden somewhere.  My mom was always on my case to clean my room, but I just had the hardest time when I felt overwhelmed by a room that became too disorganized.  When I did clean, however, I would spend the whole day making everything perfect. I color-coded my closet, labeled all of my bathroom products, and perfectly arranged my throw pillows.  Sometimes I would even add in a new decorating project.  I had accepted the label of being "messy" until one day when I realized that really I hated being messy.  It was just that I always gave up if it wasn't perfect.  Only when I could make my room PERFECT would I even try at all.  

So this is the problem with perfectionism.  It can trap you in a box or a prison cell.  It can keep you from just taking a step of faith and choosing to grow day by day.  It keeps you from owning up to your "mess" or moving on from your mistakes.  If there is something that you are running away from, giving up on, or trying to avoid because you can't face not having it perfect, take on a new perspective.  Remind yourself that "His mercies are new every morning."  Everyday you will have to take small steps to keep moving.  No one takes one giant, perfect, lightning-speed step to win a marathon.  It takes 55,335 small steps, and some of those might be while tripping, having leg cramps, or splashing in mud puddles. 

For the rest of this series, I will go through some of the most common areas that perfectionism can emprison us.  Most commonly I've seen it in myself in my home environment (as I mentioned above), in body image, school/career, relationships and spiritual life.  Which area do you think is your biggest struggle?  And even if you aren't a perfectionist, I guarantee that you know one!  So remind yourself (or your best friend) that you do more when you aren't trying to fit everything into your perfectionistic prison cell.  Real life is messy.  It's full of mistakes, failure, dirty socks, disappointments, waiting rooms, and a whole lot of people who are NOT perfect.  

Try to think of what is actually holding you back and making you a perfectionist.  Is it the fear of failure that becomes paralyzing? Is it the fear of not receiving approval from those around you? Or is it a wounded ego that is trying to build some self-esteem based on your acheivements?  Striving for excellence is a wonderful thing, but we are only made perfect in Christ, and anything resembling perfection is only a time for us to give Him the glory.

REMINDER: Colossians 2:7-10 "Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness... in Him you have been made complete..."