"A New Path"
Wednesday, January 9, 2013 at 11:59AM 
Well… here we are, a little over a week into the year of 2013 and I am sitting at my desk reflecting on 2012, kind of like I was last week when I last wrote you. Only this time God is revealing to me something new. Usually when I think back on my past I block out the moments I don’t particularly like to remember. That way I can move on quickly from those thoughts, which I thought made me a strong person. I can usually think about my parents’ divorce, moving, growing up, and many other things without crying or feeling extremely hurt, but recently it has been the exact opposite. I read one of the blogs from the infamous (in)courage site that explains how I feel in exact detail. Here's a little bit of that blog:
My Full Voice
I was the strong one.
I was the one who always smiled, who only cried just a little. And for the times I cried a lot, it was always alone. And never for too long.
This is how I came to Jesus as a little girl, drawn by the love and the light of a loving Savior, a gentle Shepherd who spoke my name and smiled to see me.
But, now God’s taken me on a spiritual journey that leads me back to the places where I’ve been wounded.
Jesus is there too. But, I’m finding a different Jesus walking with me. He is Jesus with eyes dripping with tears for me. He is intimate friend, chest heavy with understanding, sullen and sober with my memories. He knows the pit of loneliness. He’s still my Shepherd, but His arms open to hold me, rather than nudging me to walk forward as He’s done in the past.
I’m seeing with painful clarity the truth of life’s imperfections and the marks they’ve left on my soul and in my story.
And it’s very disorienting to understand why Jesus would want me to revisit the past, at a time in my life when I feel there’s so much more I can do without the healing.
Jesus doesn’t seem to explain very much.
Which can be very frustrating.
Instead, Jesus keeps pointing to the changes He wants me to make.
These are not changes that are easy to check off a list. When I make these changes, there will be people who will not be happy with my choices. Expectations are a very painful thing to break.
I don’t know how my life will look like, but I recognize the Voice of Jesus, who whispers –
Speak. In your full voice.
I won’t be able to explain very much.
I will feel frustrated. Yes, even afraid.
But, I must go.
Because I want to go where God leads me.
I want to go the other way — where the Shepherd of my Heart calls for me to return.
“I am the way, the truth and the life.” ~ Jesus, John 14:6
Wow...That's all I can say. This is EXACTLY how I feel! God is taking me through my past so I can see why I went through those obstacles and how I can use them to bring Him glory and not so that I can shut the memories out and put up a wall. Even though I hesitate and fear new things due to old wounds. I know that I will never learn or grow unless, I go where God is leading me and think about things in a different way. I can’t hold back and wait for God to grab my hand and walk me to where He wants me to go. I have to pray to my Savior and listen to the things He whispers to my heart.
I understand there is pain in the past, but today is a new day, which is why it is called the present. It is literally a gift from God to start over and be the person He has created you to be. I hope this New Year has opened your eyes to new things and has inspired you to not only take new paths, but to lead others down a new path as well.
Reader Comments (2)
EXACTLY! Keep up the hard work and remember Isaiah 53:18-19
Isaiah 43 not 53